Here are some summary points for my talk for my Meetup group – The Melbourne Attract Amazing Women Group – last week. A lot was covered but primarily, through demand, were the topics of approaching and casual dating.
- Your mindset is the most important thing in approaching. Without a good mindset, positivity, persistence and patience, knowing that this is a PROCESS – you will ultimately never get anywhere.
- What you want overall is to be a better, stronger man, with more confidence and a better life – and THAT is more important right now than any particular girl that you might be wanting to talk to. Approaching is a snap-shot of how you deal with life – how you deal with dating improvement will reflect how you deal with life – don’t approach for the girl, approach to improve yourself and to become stronger.
- Think of long-term gain, not short-term anxiety. Anxiety is primarily just your indecision on the matter – once you decide and commit, your anxiety will ease.
- Focus on getting the skill instead of getting the girl. Girls come and go, skills stay for life.
- Designate time to go out and practice. Find good guys that you click with to go out with through Meetup groups, social events, forums, Facebook, etc.
- Through the day, excuse yourself to grab her attention. Don’t just approach and start talking.
- Relax, stay calm – do not TRY to be anything. Don’t want this too much. Don’t NEED anything from her. Commit and be enthusiastic but be genuine in who you really are and what you’re really feeling.
- This is almost entirely your energy. What you actually say pales in comparison to the vibe you’re giving off. Learn to be comfortable approaching before you worry too much about what to say. Learn to be ok with fucking it up. For most of you new guys, you have to be ok with fumbling your way through this to start. This is incredibly easy, but only once you’re comfortable with it. Work on your comfort more than be concerned of what to say.
- Give this post a read over – Top Tips for Approaching – which will really help – http://www.manicworkshops.com/how-to-approach-women
- Why do YOU want to keep things casual and open? Is this a stage in your life where you feel that you need to be single? Do you have doubts about monogamy? Fresh out of a relationship and don’t want to dive into another right away? You NEED to be incredible clear on why. The stronger that your belief is, the easier it will be, for you and her. Be sure of your reasons, and be positive in them – this will emanate from you.
- You’re entitled to whatever you want in this life. And your sense of this will be the greatest determiner in you getting what you want, and having people either gravitate to you, or shy away from you. Most men simply do not feel worthy of a non-traditional form of dating – they feel they’re doing something wrong, are being manipulative, are battling generations of stigma associated to anything different.
- Be authentic and honest, with yourself as well as her. Have integrity. This doesn’t mean divulging your life story on the first date, but it also doesn’t mean dating someone for months and allowing them to think that you’re something that you’re not.
- Do what is right for you – be it monogamous or casual. Do not enter into a relationship that is not right for you. Do not fall prey to other people’s opinions on how things should be. Do what feels right to you. You’re allowed! You’re entitled to what you want just as much as anyone else, and don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for that.
- Grey zone dating is the time between meeting and deciding to be exclusive. Emotionally stable men and women value this time, whereas unstable people (or people in unstable positions) tend to rush it in order to feel complete (and yall remember my rant about the illusion of completeness right?). You have time up your sleeve. One date doesn’t equal a relationship. Chill.
- What value are you bringing? If you’re not offering a relationship (or more, not a traditional one), what value are you bringing to the table? Why would she want to see you again? What is it that is so special about you that would make a woman want to come along for the ride with you? If you can’t think of much, you’d better get working on that, because without being someone that she can rely on for good times, a caring shoulder, good sex, an eye opening experience – why will she choose you over another guy?
- Discuss where you’re at in life in an honest, POSITIVE manner from the start. Again, you cannot date a girl for months and decide to start telling her this stuff then. Learn to be open about yourself, your life, where you’re at, what you’re working on, etc. A lot of guys don’t open up when they meet a woman that they like, through fear of being boring, needy or vulnerable. You cannot have open relationships without being open yourself.