Here is my recent interview on Almog’s new Unstagnate personal development podcast. We discuss beginner, intermediate and advanced issues that guys face in dating.
Check out my latest video where I discuss finding a balance between caring too much – about people’s opinions and situations that arise in your life – and not giving a fuck, or pretending that you don’t give a fuck. Neither is conducive to growth or success. Watch it here – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQffmlU3yRg
1. Don’t let this date be your only option.
If you have only one date in several months, you’ll almost certainty cock it up by putting all your hopes and dreams into this one basket. People tangibly feel desperation, especially women. And it’s pretty hard to relax and have a good time if your happiness is resting on the outcome of this one date. So have your head in the right place, keep things in perspective and see this as another step on your journey. If it works out, awesome, if not, get back out there.
It’s the age-old topic of argument – spending your dough on the ladies in exchange for (or in hopes of) getting some action. Of course, there is some validity to it – women are naturally attracted to security and resources as much as men are naturally attracted to perky boobs and tanned legs. But are lavish dates and shelling out the coin truly the best way the get the best ladies?
What does flaunting money get you?
For one, it gets you attention, no doubt about it. For two, it gets you followers. Let’s face it – people are attracted to shiny shit, and they will happily ride the money train as long as the doors are open. If a 4’ tall witchy-looking lass hit me up with “Yo sexy, wanna come on an all expenses paid, champagne flowing, trip to Italy?” – I’d say yes. But would I fuck the midget? No. No I would not. Would I even follow up and see her again? Yeah nah.
Given, that’s a weird hypothetical, but it explains an important point – don’t mix up attention with attraction.
It’s a fine line – at what point does one’s confidence become arrogance. Let’s explore.
The first thing to note is that confidence is hugely overrated when it comes to meeting women. In fact, so much weight placed on confidence, I believe, can be a dangerous thing for a man’s growth. See, we tent to just assume that people are – or are not – confident; and then that is their fate – giving them either a golden ticket to ride the ‘success with ladies’ train … or the perfect excuse to not even try – “I’m just not that confident”
What is arguably more attractive than a confident man is a man who is able to muster up the balls to take action, to grab life by the nads and to just have a crack, even though he is shitting himself. The latter is certainly a lot more real and a lot more endearing to a lot of ladies.
Question – “So for the last three days my ex and I have been casually talking, we were together for over two years. The thing I’m asking is if she meets up with me do I regame her or just act normal? Or even how do I get back with her?”
Answer – Weird I know coming from a bloody pick-up coach, but personally I hate the term to “game” someone. Immediately it makes me think of the inner issues at play – self-esteem, self-value, etc.
It’s a very common ‘advanced’ problem – “So I got good at meeting girls, I’ve learnt a lot and am having fun, but I’ve met this one great girl. I really like spending time with her, and don’t want to end it, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship just yet” – I hear it all the time.
To many guys, being able to casually date a girl is the pinnacle of dating. It’s having their moist delicious cake, and eating it too. To those experienced in it though, the reality is a little different, generally not quite so simple, and maybe not even so glamorous. It can be complicated, a bit tough, but also great and an exceptional teacher when done correctly.
So how do you go about setting up a relationship that isn’t a relationship?
Here are 5 things to consider when setting up more casual style relationships: