Uncategorized - Page 3 of 6 - Melbourne Dating, Pick-up (PUA) And Lifestyle Coaching

Julien Blanc – The Unpopular Face of Pick Up

Unless you’ve been living under a rock for the last fortnight, you’ve heard the name Julien Blanc, as well as the incredibly dodgy underworld of the pick up artists – a community of nerds turned neurotics, hell-bent on choking woman into bed. Right?

Wrong.

Going on seven years coaching somewhat this industry myself, one thing is for sure – Julien Blanc does not represent the industry. Not the coaches, and certainly not the gentlemen seeking help within it. Read more

Keeping Out of Your Negative Headspace

Question

“I’m brand new to pick-up and am wondering except meditation, is there any techniques which help you stay keep out of your negative head space?”

Answer

As impractical as this may sound, I say deal with the negative headspace by allowing it, accepting it. Rather than running from it, just accept it. Only then will you TRULY overcome it. Read more

Timeline of a Ladies Man

I get asked very often – “How long do I have to go out for before I’m awesome at meeting women?”

Generally the timeline of improvement is longer than people think. It’s not about just going out to approach women; it’s about becoming a better person, a stronger man, the most attractive version of yourself. It’s about having more freedom, more confidence, being less needy and less attached to outcomes.

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Being Natural vs. Game vs. Being You

A popular thought among budding ladies men is that you will reach a place where it is all completely effortless and natural. You’re walking down the street, living your awesome life, and every girl you see, your feet just cart you on over there, no anxiety, no second thoughts, no fear of rejection, and boom, your natural charm just flows.

Yes, that is the ideal. But …

It reminds me (funnily enough) of a nutrition quote by Mark Hyman… Read more

Why Nice Guys Finish Last With Women (it seems)

Attributing a man’s lack of success with women to him being nice is like blaming fire fighters for a blaze simply because they are at the scene of the crime. ‘Niceness’ is present along with other traits, and it’s more these other traits, in my humble opinion, which are the real cause of the lack of success.

Think of the nice guy …

No, don’t think of some nice person that you know who happens to be male, think of the cliché nice guy, i.e. the guy most often at the center of this eternal “He’s nice BUT …” dating chestnut. Typically, he is the type that won’t ever disagree with a woman of interest, regardless of whatever waffle she may be talking about; he definitely wouldn’t tease her and give her the same shit that her actual friends would; he will not call her out on her bullshit, even if she is being dramatic; he most definitely wouldn’t mention other women of interest in his life (likely because there are none), etc.

The end result is somewhat of a shell of a person. An accommodating yes-man with no depth, no excitement, no charm, no life of his own. There is no tension, no sexual excitement. I’m certainly not hating on the nice guy, as above all, I know that it’s about one thing – self-worth. Deep down, the nice guy just doesn’t feel he is worthy of the girl. She is more attractive than him, more popular than him; he couldn’t possibly offer her anything from his place of low value … at least in his mind. His vibe, actions and attitude are basically all saying one thing – that she is better than him. So, he accommodates her, leading her to label him an “incredibly nice guy”, the sentence inevitably being followed with “but …”

What she doesn’t want …

She doesn’t want someone to agree with everything that she is saying; she wants to have a conversation with someone with a mind of his own. She doesn’t want someone to be at her beck and call; like so many of us, she just wants a laugh, even if it’s at herself. She doesn’t want some desperate guy falling in love with her at the drop of a hat; she wants a MAN who is going about his way in life, a leader who is inviting her along for the ride.

The case for so many nice guys is that they’re living in scarcity, so they cling to the first glimmer of hope. And they’re simply, too agreeable. Some would debate that this is more manipulative than their bad boy counterparts, since they’re not being real or honest. Women can become objects of the nice guy’s pedestaling, and ultimately feel obligated to be as nice and accommodating, to tread lightly and to deliver her information selectively so as to not offend or hurt her buddy (whom she very much knows has a thing for her). She does not want a guy, friend or otherwise, that she has to worry about hurting with every small decision that she makes.

Ultimately – the nice guy is just not very exciting to be around.

The bullet in the head of nice guys – entitlement

How often do you see a guy complaining about women only wanting bad boys, arseholes, jerks, and not him? After all – he is a nice guy! “What is wrong with them?” – he might ask. When a man reaches this point, he can pretty much bid farewell to any shred of female respect that he may have had left. Women are not repelled because he is a nice; they are repelled because his neediness is overshadowing EVERYTHING else. It tells her in no uncertain terms “I am a pussy, and rather than grow and develop into a better, stronger version of myself, I want the world to bend to my pussy ways”

This is the single biggest thing that stops so many ‘nice’ guys from getting much interest from women.

The take home message …

It’s NOT the trait of being nice that is keeping the women away from the typical nice guy, it’s what’s going on underneath. It’s his lack of self-worth, his scarcity, and/or his entitlement. Millions of nice guys the world over are dating fantastic women, however they differ from our cliché nice chap by valuing themselves, by pursuing their lives, by having a backbone, by having perspective and by being real and honest with the women in their lives. They do not pedestal women; instead, simply treat them like the human beings that they are, and wish to be treated as.

When Keen Girls Have Boyfriends

Something I’ve dealt with a fair bit lately with clients is women who have boyfriends being keen to catch up. Summarised in this question …
Q – “I went out on a date with a girl, it was going really well, and she mentioned that she had a boyfriend. What’s up with that?”
A – Personally I see three possible answers here …

Girls with boyfriends1)   Girls don’t operate like guys in the ‘friend’ regard. A girl can give a guy her number with the honest intention of being friends with him (I know, crazy huh! lol). Whether she knows that he is interested in her or not comes down to how socially intelligent she is, it’s likely that she does but chooses to ignore it. For her, it really can be no more than a friendship. Women love legitimate guy friends. My own female friends are often disappointment that guys only want to sleep with them and not be their friends. So the first option is that she could see you legitimately as just a friend. However having said that, I don’t believe that this is going to be the majority of the time, for the simple reason that if she has a boyfriend, she won’t be in a huge hurry to make new guy friends. Something else is likely afoot.

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Quick PUA Tips

Three quick tips for any guy on the path of PUA or betterment in the dating game.

PUABeginner tip – Start approaching. I know there are plenty of people reading this who are wondering where and how to start. It hasn’t started, until you’ve started approaching. Put aside a couple of hours, go out, and approach. Don’t get caught up in flashy game (i.e. 90% of what you see on YouTube), it really takes very little; a question, a hello – you don’t need to be direct or jump around front of her. Commit to an approach before the girl is front of you. This is the key. Too many guys are going out to “try”. When you allow yourself to ‘try’ you’ve already given yourself passage to pussy out (hey you still tried!). No. Decide that you will commit to doing this before you even see her – “When I get in there, I’m going to talk to the first group of girls that I see. Before I go the bar, before I drop off my coat, I’m 100% in” Then you just do it. You turn off your emotions, turn off your ANTs (automatic negative thinking) and do it. And forget what happens. Every approach is a step on the journey. Who cares how it goes. Read more